Off-the-Cuff

Someone I was speaking with at a social gathering asked me how she could be a better coach to her employees. I found the question a little "big".

After our discussion she seemed grateful and she suggested I record the answer in this blog. It strikes me, with a smile on my face, that she was essentially assigning me the job of writing it down for her convenience. I'm pretty sure she's smiling as she reads this.

Ask yourself these two questions about each of your direct reports:

1) What are this person’s greatest strengths, and what can be done to help the organization take full advantage of them?
2) How could this person tweak their style in order to be perceived more favourably by others?

Armed with your own answers, chat with the person about these things.

For example, say something like: “My perception is that your greatest strength is [abc], and I would like to find a way to help that trait flourish.” And then, talk it through; get that person’s opinion, actually modify aspects of their job in order take more advantage of their potential.

Also, consider saying something like, “I genuinely believe that for you to achieve your goals we need to get people to see more [xyz] in you. So I’d like to help you with that; is that okay?” Then, with this little psychological contract is in place, talk about the behaviours that exhibit [xyz].

Be sure that by the end of such a conversation there are some mutual commitments involved, as well as a time to talk again. Commitments might include you announcing that the person will be taking on [abc] duty, or you promising to make a note each time you see [xyz] (or its opposite). They also might include the team member promising to implement [abc] or [xyz], knowing that there will be future discussion.

Notice that this approach is about nurturing current strengths, rather than focusing on weaknesses. Also, see how it asks for more of a trait, rather than negating some other trait.

Narcissism

Here I am in the dentist chair, mouth wide open and loaded up with steel utensils. The dentist is working away. The process of installing this little oral splint is sort of complicated, I think; I can hear him making little grunts and I can feel him trying to get to this little spot in my mouth from different angles.

After a few minutes he seems to sigh with relief; I can see his muscles relax out of the corner of my eye. With a sense of accomplishment, he says, “Donka.”

Now, neither I nor my dentist are German, but as far as I can tell, he is offering an informal German “thank you”. He is saying thank you to ME—perhaps playfully,as in, “you were a good patient through that.”

Of course, since all I’ve been doing is keeping my mouth open and periodically resisting the impulse to gag—surely I don’t deserve any thanks. But, to be involved in the little conversation, and even though my mouth is open and full of tools, I kindly deflect the gratitude back to where it belongs: “Thanks to YOU,” is what I intend. It comes out as something like ANGS OO YUU.

But apparently the job is not done. He leans over and, again, squirrels away in my mouth.

Two minutes pass.

Sounding really finished this time, and leaning back, he says it again, “Donka”. To keep things going, but with my mouth still loaded up, I give him another, “angs oo yuu”.

He starts taking out the utensils.

At this point his assistant walks in the room and asks, “Yes doctor, what would you like?”

He says, “Donka, would you get me some…”