Sales Success Key #4 -- Empathy

If you tied me up, put a knife to my throat, and demanded that I pick one and only one key to sales success, I would probably blurt, “Empathy!”

And, if you put the knife down and casually began to untie me, asking, “What’s empathy?” I would say it’s your ability to identify with the perspectives and feelings of another person. It’s not just about understanding the person, or being able to describe what’s on their mind; it’s about allowing yourself, in some sense, to BECOME the person—to take on, at least for a few moments, their orientation, values, stance, concerns, emotions, desires, worldview.

Some salespeople find the task particularly difficult because they get so obsessed with the goal of selling that they forget to listen. Paradoxically, the intensity of the obsession is inversely proportional to the ease of satisfying it. It’s not like running where the harder you try the faster you go. The paradox explains why salespeople are perceived to talk too much, be too pushy, not listen, and even sell features rather than benefits. They know better, of course—we all know it’s important to listen, but pressure from things like the economy, the boss, the competition, and the need for success get in the way.

Empathy doesn’t just inform a salesperson about what the customer seeks and avoids, it also helps the customer to FEEL a connection. That’s actually the biggie here. Think about it. Think of a salesperson you really trusted and from whom you enjoyed buying—one you would gladly buy from again. I bet that person made you feel heard. You sensed that he or she fully understood your stance on the product or service you were considering. You shared something, yes?

Can empathy be learned? Many people say no. You’ve either got it, or not. But I disagree most wholeheartedly. Except for certain psychotic people, we are all born with circuitry for compassion built right into our wiring. The challenge is to learn to switch that circuit on, to keep it on, and to integrate its contribution into the moments of a dialogue.

Now let’s you and I put away the tools of aggression and be friends.